The Force of Love
by Crazyfangirl23
Summary: Leia reflects back. Oneshot. Spoilers for The Force Awakens.
1. Chapter 1

The Force of Love

She could feel it. Feel it in the pit of her stomach, that tugging feeling that was connected to him. The Force drove through her like a tidal wave of realisation as the growing pain became unbearable as she felt it in her chest as he did in that same moment. Tears weren't good enough; not even a guttural moan or scream. All she could do was stare at a fixed point, focusing on that solidifying agony that was spreading through her, and this time it was mentally. She could only hang her head as her memories lead her to times they had shared, back when they were young and beautiful, without a care in the world. The beats of her heart seemed to die out like his did as the lightsaber had cut clean through him by the hand of their own son, and she could feel him falling, falling, lifeless, no longer moving.

Her husband, Han Solo.

Whom she loved so dearly and so much and yet hadn't told him in a while, since their son had devastatingly turned to the Dark Side by what seemed to be both of their faults, and had caused pressure to their marriage. They had had a break, Han had gone off with Chewie to do what he did best, she was left there as the Resistance's general. And he had finally returned with his old ship, the Millennium Falcon. She had been relieved to see him, yet he didn't think she would want to see him again, which definitely wasn't true. He had told her himself that when she looked into his eyes, she saw the son they had lost, but it didn't stop her from watching him anyway. Even when they were planning the attack on the Imperial Death Star - or whatever it was called - she couldn't stop looking at him as he spoke his familiar words of tactics and plans. From then on, she had become worried for her husband, as he told her she wouldn't have liked what he was doing. Now, it definitely seemed that way. It was all too much to bear. One second he was there and they were tied, a bond stronger than the Force in which they called love. The next, they were torn from a lifetime's worth of it. It was, of course, what had caused Anakin Skywalker to turn himself. Leia was so glad they hadn't departed bitterly, or out of civility. They had expressed their despairs and their understanding of one another, while looking into each other's eyes and still thinking the other beautiful, despite their greying hair and wrinkled faces.

She had told him she had missed him, yet she could tell he knew that 'missed' was an understatement. He had told her the same in return, and wrapped her up in an embrace that she could finally feel safe in, despite knowing what allowing him to do this could mean. And like a fool, she had let him. His hands stroked her hair and she had closed her eyes, praying he would be alright and persuade their son to come back home.

And now he had been ripped away from her, like the Force itself was splitting her in two and the other half of her was down there with him, still falling. She reminisced the first time she had met him, when she had rescued him from the carbonite, when they had fought together in the rebellion. Leia wished to step back into those youthful times and interact once more with the handsome, flirty stranger she had met all those years ago. She shed tears, thinking about them all. She wished she had kissed him, even if it was for the last time, just before he went away in his ship like he always did. She wished she had kissed him there and then like he had kissed her all those moons ago. And Leia wished, with all her heart, she had looked him in his still vibrant eyes to tell him.

'I love you.'

And with a heartbroken smile she knew what he would have said in return, as he smiled and stroked her lined face.

'I know.'


	2. Chapter 2

Leia remembered. Leia remembered each night she lay there next to Han, every time he would roll over in his sleep and jog the bed, his soft snores, and the resistance she upheld to reach out and touch his hair. She remembered the exact position he held her in, all curled up a against him in a foetal position.

Leia remembered all his weird and wonderful habits, the things that got on her nerves, the things she thought were adorable.

The way he ate his food, cheeks bulging and a smile snaking onto his face. She would always laugh at that. The places he'd hide his weapons in case one of the children grabbed them. The way he'd prop his feet up on the table in his leather waistcoat. How he'd always try to flatter her before admitting to something she wouldn't approve of. All the times she caught him playing with the children, pretending to be a monster they had to take down. How he'd pilot the Millennium Falcon so carelessly and easily he could do it blindfolded. The way he'd take her shoulders in his hand or get angry when someone insulted his style of clothing. The time he completely missed his first child's birth due to a run in with another angry gangsta wanting his debts repaid. How she had slapped him round the cheek because of it and spent the whole night making it up to her. When he'd converse with Chewie about different and secret things, when he'd fly back to Corellia, take them all out to different places in the galaxy. When he would kiss her gently and endearingly, and whenever a long absence he would always tell her how much he loved her. Leia remembered the rare fights, the rare disappointments, the slow ageing of both of them together, gaining greyer hairs until they were almost unrecognisable. Yet that didn't change a thing. It never could. She remembered everything they had been through, as partners, as fighters, as parents; it had been beautiful while it lasted, a forever within marked years and numbered days that in her mind would last forever. She daydreamed of that girl with long brown hair being hugged by the handsome and ruthless smuggler that caught her heart from the very beginning. Inevitably beginnings had ends, and Leia imagined what would have happened if it never ended at all. If, by some miracle he had come back with Ben and they could build their relationship up like falling in love with each other all over again.

He would have sauntered off that Falcon, and smile relaxedly at her. Standing awkwardly for a while, yet settling all differences between them, Han would have been the first to speak.

'I came back with Ben.' He told her, something of a gleam in his eye which told her how relieved he was of the situation and to see her.

'Thank you.' She whispered hoarsely, not being able to say much else. He would have wrapped her up in arms like he had when he departed, yet this time much tighter, more needier.

He took a step back, admiring her whole his hands caressed her shoulders.

'You still look beautiful, Leia. I know it's been a lot of work recently, too many things to worry or care about, but I've missed you. I'd want to stay closer...' He stumbled, 'closer to you. Like we used to. And I won't stop, Leia,' he smiled, 'I'll be as persistent from the first day we met, when I wanted to impress you and everything.'

Leia nodded, taking in his words that melted the barricade around her heart and caused a burst of emotion erupting inside her.

'Yes,' she smiled back, watching those eyes stare into her, the hard set of his jawline and handsome, ruffled hair that still sent shivers down her spine, 'I agree with you. Too many days have been lost without you, Han. I won't allow many more.'

He smiled, embracing her once again and kissing the corner of her mouth tenderly.

'You know I love you, right?'

She gazed at his face, just so glad nothing had happened to him, that he was safe and alive as he always was and no doubt looking for the next adventure.

'I know.'

A wide smile which she returned and their hands fit together perfectly, like jigsaws in a puzzle.

Leia came back to her senses, to the present, now refocusing on the spot she had been staring at for almost an hour in her own desired plexus of dreamworlds inside her head. The biggest one was with Han, always with Han, and their children. After everything she had done, she had lost two of the most important people in her life all at the same time, all in the same moment. It wasn't fair, wasn't right. She deserved more, she was owed better. The pain was too overwhelming, too unbearable, the thought of never seeing his face again...it crushed her from the inside out. But it didn't take away the memories of him she would keep, would always keep, forever. Leia stared back down at the picture she was holding of Han, Ben and herself, smiling at their joyous faces. She nodded, stroking the face of her husband inside the frame.

'We made it this far, Han. We did it.'

And it was almost like the photograph Han winked cheekily back.


	3. Chapter 3

This will be the last oneshot, as I think I've already portrayed so much anger and sadness at this choice to kill Han off already. Hopefully I'll write more Han x Leia in the future, who knows, but at least I got to share this story with you guys who probably still feel the same as I do. One thing's for sure, as soon as TFA comes out I'll be vidding like crazy. I'm still in denial and I don't think I'll ever come out of it. Han and Leia will always live on happily to me and I don't think I will ever be able to accept and move on with the canonical truth. So here's to the couple that made it such a long way and will still remain the shipping favourite in the galaxy far, far, away.

The face of his son loomed at him, his dark wavy hair and tanned skin so reminiscent of his own. Han couldn't deny the worry and anxiety and frustration he felt as both a parent and a man as he stared into Ben's eyes, telling him to abandon such dark fantasies and join back united to his mother and father. Even when he had turned to the Dark Side, they loved him too much to let him go. His hand was outstretched, feeling the lightsaber slowly pass from his surrendering hands to his own and his heart felt relieved beyond compare. The look on his face was one of realisation and regret, one that melted his very heart and took him back to the days he had held such a small person in his arms. Han took in every part of his face, the giving up, the disappointment, the remorse and let down as he stood so still, so silent, in those threatening black robes of his. Upon taking the lightsaber he noticed his son's grip did not relinquish on the object, and he gave an encouraging look to his innocent child, still so young. Young enough to make those mistakes he had forgiven him for so completely already. That was the power of love. He was so consumed with his forgiveness and persuasion he didn't see the button being pressed by his child's fingers. Instantly the glow of a red lightsaber pierced his skin, red hot and blinding agonisingly, enflaming his skin so scorchingly his heart missed a beat. He felt like a volcano about to erupt, felt like he was going to burst into flames. He looked, astonished, down to his wound where the lightsaber was still cut clean through him, realising the extra side it had and almost choking on his own acidic breath. The pain was unbearable, but for all the wrong reasons. His son had killed him so mercilessly, so coldly, and yet his love didn't waver. It infected his veins, coursed through his blood, his eyes dilating with so much adoration he could see Ben looking almost uncomfortable at his devotional gaze. The saber was finally withdrawn and left a hole in his stomach, like the empty parts of his heart. Kylo - Ben, still stared eerily unremorsefully in the face of his patricidal crime, and into his fathers eyes that were uncannily like his own. Still so much love, so much sympathy...he reached out to stroke his sons face, truly forgiving him for this act, and all others. No matter what he did, he was pained to admit, he would always love him. His hand finally caressed his cheek one last time and he faded away. Falling, not just physically but mentally, and over the bridge was where he fell. His thoughts lead him to Leia, his sweet, beautiful Alderaanian princess. He loved her more than setting suns and shining stars, more than anything else in the galaxy, and he felt her, right where the hole in his chest was, falling with him. He felt her pain and sadness and told her with everything he had left to keep on going and keep staying strong. He told her not to worry, he told her he loved her and Ben more than anything. He told her he was sorry for failing to bring her son back home to her. He could hear Chewie's cries and he smiled up at the figures already so far away.

'I'll miss ya, buddy.' He whispered, and his limbs felt invaded with air, so lifeless already. His dying breath was ragged but bittersweet in every way; that last exhale of air carried the name of Leia Organa on the wind, and his eyes rolled up into his skull as he sunk into that welcoming abyss.


End file.
